08 Jul

A wasted day in an increasingly wasted week

Today hasn’t turned out quite the way that I planned. I took a day off work to really get to grips with sorting out the structure of the course on doing over the next few months. I have to produce several narrative essays, and I’m a bit anxious because narrative paper writing is not something I’ve done.

As I have already said I am really struggling with my conscience about hiring some writing help. When I say that I am thinking about hiring some writing help I mean ordering a narrative essay from a website, written by a professional writer to the standard I require.

I’m thinking of using it as a springboard, something to build on so that I can learn and build my own context on top of it. But deep down I know that it’s still just cheating and I’m trying to cut corners to get where I want to get to. I’m not sure how unethical that is and I’m really struggling with it.

Anyway, my worry about this narrative essay and my conscience meant I spent most of the day doing not a lot. Looking out of the window, staring at the Internet and even flicking the television on for an hour or so just to zone out.

It got so bad that at one point I even opened the fridge and looked at the cans of beer in there and thought about just drinking them all. That’s really bizarre and I think it shows that I’m very anxious and upset about things at the moment. I think I need to sit down and talked my partner tonight before things get too bad.

I’m feeling a bit better in admitting this through the blog, getting it out of my mind onto here is actually helping I have to say. Maybe I just need to calm down and make a decision about ordering this narrative paper rather than writing myself, and then just get on with it. That way I can move on, even if it means that my conscience is not clear I can at least relax a bit knowing that I am taking a course of action.