18 Jul

My narrative essay is finished

I’m not proud of the fact that I had to order a narrative essay from an academic writing help website.

But I had no experience with narrative paper writing and I needed to see how it was done so that I could learn from it. I think I’ve achieved that and I’ve used it to construct my own version. Although it’s very similar and I am still feeling like a cheat, I have attempted to learn from it and hopefully I won’t have to order to many more essays online.

It’s a very good narrative essay and I’m happy to hand it in, but obviously I’m going to feel incredibly guilty about doing so. I can’t help that, the alternative is to hand in something actually just rubbish and maybe not progress the way I want to, and I’m not prepared to do that.

It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster couple of weeks will been doing this because I have been so guilty about it. It’s been a big thing but I’m now glad I got that writing help I and that I’m on my way again. I feel it’s actually freed my mind little bit because I now have the ability to write in a way that I didn’t really understand before. So it’s been a good thing as well as a bad thing.

I’m also pleased I’ve been able to write in this blog. I would have felt even more guilty and felt more pressured if I had not had this blog as an outlet. I didn’t expect it to be all about what I typed about so far, but it doesn’t really matter, what’s important is that I have got things off my chest and stopped things building up, which was the entire point of doing this blog in the first place.

So it’s a big success for the blog because it means I’ve got an outlet which helps me, and it’s a big success really in terms of ordering the narrative essay online, because it’s helped me to learn and help to justify the decision I made.

15 Jul

The unfortunate incident outside my house

I was doing some work on my course today. I have received the narrative essay that I ordered from the writing help website.

As I said before I can’t do narrative paper writing and so I’ve ordered a pre-written essay from a website, which is making me feel really guilty. But the quality is very high and it’s great because I’m using it as a base for me to construct my own around it, so I’m justifying it in that it’s helping me to learn and giving me some help with my writing, rather than me just cheating.

Anyway, I looked out of the front window as a white van pulled up outside, it was a window cleaner and his assistant. The assistant climbed up onto the top of the van to pass down the ladder and as he did so he overbalanced and went straight over the top of it and landed on the pavement. He was hurt but not badly, and after couple of minutes he was laughing.

But it made me think about what would have happened if he had passed that ladder down and fallen at a slightly different angle. He would have fallen into the road and a car went past just as he fell. He would have probably been killed and me and his friend would have been traumatised by what happened. Just a 10° change of direction could have made the difference between what was funny and what could have been a tragedy.

It certainly made me think and it took me a bit of time to get my head out of that state of mind and back into work mode. Which is what I also have to do now, I’ve wanted to write this blog post talk about it, but I really do have to get on with trying to finish this narrative essay structure so that I can then work on the fine details to hopefully make it a bit more my own. That could be easier said than done, and I will probably be sitting here in another hour staring at the computer having done nothing.

11 Jul

Somebody left a shopping trolley by my front door

I’m not really sure what to make of this, I was working from home today. I have decided to order a narrative essay online. I feel bad about it and I’m feeling guilty about it, but I am completely unable to do narrative paper writing so I have to find a way out of this, and I think that is a way forward for me.

I was just ordering the writing help online when I heard a knock at the door. I went to answer expecting to see the postman or something, and when I got there there was nobody there but there was an empty shopping trolley sitting there.

It was completely bizarre, there was nobody in sight and I just didn’t know what to make of it. What makes it even more bizarre is that it’s not as if our front door is right beside the road, you have to open a gate and walk up the driveway, so somebody intentionally came and pushed it in front of my front door, it wasn’t just a random dumping of a trolley as somebody took their shopping out of it, or was playing a prank.

I rang the supermarket it is from and they are going to come and collect it, but it really is bizarre. They have said they going to look at that cameras over the past few hours to see if anybody is seen walking out of the car park in my direction, but I am not sure what good that will do, I think that’s just them trying to reassure me that they are doing something.

Anyway, I thought I would blog about this because it is completely weird and nothing like that has ever happened before. I actually felt a little threatened by it, because although it is just a shopping trolley, what’s worrying is wondering what the intention behind it was as it was such an obviously deliberate act.

But I must not let that get me because my anxiety will go up, what I must do is get back to preparing my conscience for the arrival of this narrative essay I have ordered.

08 Jul

A wasted day in an increasingly wasted week

Today hasn’t turned out quite the way that I planned. I took a day off work to really get to grips with sorting out the structure of the course on doing over the next few months. I have to produce several narrative essays, and I’m a bit anxious because narrative paper writing is not something I’ve done.

As I have already said I am really struggling with my conscience about hiring some writing help. When I say that I am thinking about hiring some writing help I mean ordering a narrative essay from a website, written by a professional writer to the standard I require.

I’m thinking of using it as a springboard, something to build on so that I can learn and build my own context on top of it. But deep down I know that it’s still just cheating and I’m trying to cut corners to get where I want to get to. I’m not sure how unethical that is and I’m really struggling with it.

Anyway, my worry about this narrative essay and my conscience meant I spent most of the day doing not a lot. Looking out of the window, staring at the Internet and even flicking the television on for an hour or so just to zone out.

It got so bad that at one point I even opened the fridge and looked at the cans of beer in there and thought about just drinking them all. That’s really bizarre and I think it shows that I’m very anxious and upset about things at the moment. I think I need to sit down and talked my partner tonight before things get too bad.

I’m feeling a bit better in admitting this through the blog, getting it out of my mind onto here is actually helping I have to say. Maybe I just need to calm down and make a decision about ordering this narrative paper rather than writing myself, and then just get on with it. That way I can move on, even if it means that my conscience is not clear I can at least relax a bit knowing that I am taking a course of action.

05 Jul

Starting to panic about my first narrative essay

I’ve only been doing my course for three months and it’s nearly time for us to hand in our first essay.

Narrative paper writing is not something I’m familiar with or have been very good at in the times I have done it, so I probably am going to need some writing help, but I’m not sure what to do.

I’ve spoken to the tutor and had some pointers but I’m really getting anxious about it and I’m either going to run away and dump the course or I’m going to do something to sort this out properly.

One idea I’ve had is to cheat. Basically to use a narrative paper writing service, a website like emergencyessay.com to commission an expert writer to write it so that standard.

It’s something I’ve been considering and getting the narrative essay done would just be a great weight of my mind.

I would use it as a learning curve, I would not just hand it straight in and I would use it as the base for writing my own essay from. That way I could learn, get writing help for myself and develop my own style after seeing how people who do it for a living structure the narrative essays themselves.

So I’m trying to make sure that I learn as well as cheat. I know that sounds terrible, but I don’t really see what else I can do, because I’m getting really anxious about it all.

Anyway, I suppose I should just make a decision. I’m using this blog to make that decision easier I suppose and am just writing everything down as it comes out of my mind.

I’m going to have to do lots of narrative paper writing in my course and I have got to learn fast, and I’m thinking this might be the best way of achieving that without me failing and losing grades right at the start.

02 Jul

A little bit about me and my life

I wanted to start a blog because things are a little tough for me at the moment. I don’t want to moan at my relatives and friends, and I don’t want to put any more burden on my partner, so I thought this might be a good way of getting things off my chest a bit.

Things are generally good in my life and I have a good quality of life, and I have a great partner and children. Money isn’t a problem, in fact I am working part-time at the moment and am instead doing a degree course.

It’s a four-year course and at the end of the I’m hoping it will open new doors and present fresh opportunities for me.

I am struggling with it a bit, busy family life and work, plus the workload of the course are making things tough. I’m also a mature student so my background is a long way from the days of education, so I’m struggling with some of the basics. This is making me stressed and anxious and I’m hoping I can resolve that soon. But that’s why am writing this blog, so that I can maybe spot these problems and head them off.

I have an acute fear of failure in me. It’s always been there and if I feel I’m struggling I start to panic and I will turn and run, or I will alternatively use any methods to get there, I suppose I have an extreme fight or flight reaction, and sometimes I struggle to find the balance in the middle ground. This could cause problems for me, which is why I am hoping that writing this blog may me the opportunity to spot problems before they get serious.

Anyway, I probably sound a bit crazy and if you are reading this you are probably wondering why on earth would want to read this blog again. But that’s the point really, it’s not being written to entertain or inform anybody. It’s basically just a little outlet for me to put my thoughts and process them a bit better.